Red Velvet Slutty Bars or “Bloody Slutties”

Sup, y’all?? I’ve got a killer recipe for you today and I’m so grateful you’re here to share it!!

What does one say about a dessert this decadent?? Mmmmmmmhmm is the most common response, but there will inevitably be an “omg, that name!!” group of people. In my unnecessary defense, it’s Halloween time, and this is an adult targeted blog. Everyone just needs to relax and not be all prudish. My good friend did tell me that blood makes her squeamish, so there’s that. I get it. I left the name to a FB poll. The people chose it. I also did not name the “Slutty” Cheesecake Bars. I wish I could take credit for such brilliance!! The name originated from the fact that if you take them to a party, they are going to get passed around a few times. Again. I did not name them, but I did the research.

Ever since the first run with a batch of these, I have been trying new variations and flavors because they are the recipe I get the most requests for.

With all the different Oreos®️available, I’ll definitely have endless inspiration!! I guess you could say Oreo®️is my sweet tooth muse. Come to think of it, I have always had an affinity to this crispy creamy cookie. Who the hell doesn’t??

Let me tell you about why I’m working on a Keto plan for my nutrition, but I go and make a pan of these sick ass baked goods.

I’ve had a not so fabulous 8-12 weeks. I can’t really pinpoint where the tidal wave of bullshit began, but I was happily and skillfully surfing along the great shore of life, when SPLASH, Bitch!! Everything started crashing down like a 500,000 pound wave. It happens every year. I shouldn’t ever be surprised. In general my life is amazing and I don’t have any complaints. I think life situations occur to humble us when we get a little too cocky.

At any rate, I’m not going to focus on that too much because, well, Law of Attraction and all but, the thing is, sometimes our situations, whether our fault or beyond our control, affect others lives. We have to look outside the “me” and recognize this. Then we need to show appreciation. In my little piece of the world this means flour, sugar, eggs, and usually something chocolate all thrown in a mixer bowl along with my apologies and lots of love. Cooking is a way in which plenty of heartfelt people like myself, express feelings. You see cooking, my friends, can be a magical gesture (<<thank goodness for commas) and when you do it with intention, it gives those who eat it a feeling of much more than full tummies.

The intention in these treats was that I was feeling very sorry that my work team and my sweet man had to sacrifice to accommodate my injury this weekend. I’m very blessed with the people in my life. The name was just something to produce a laugh from those who read my posts. Also, you must know that man oh MAN do I loove Red Velvet everything!!

I’m stuck in the house resting my foot which means I’m cooking my ass off as it’s the one thing I can do with this little affliction that’s happening South of my right ankle.

Are you ready to make your own, or are you going to just stare at the pic and then order them from me?? That’s up to you. Here’s the recipe. These are actually surprisingly easy. I suggest doubling it for two reasons.

1.) It’s best to use your stand mixer and you don’t want to get that thing going for just one batch!!

2.) People are going to beat your door down for them.

Let’s do this.

What You Need:

Brownie Layer

1 box red velvet cake mix

1 stick of butter, melted

1 egg

.25 c milk

Cheesecake Layer

2 8 oz bricks Philadelphia®️ cream cheese, softened

.5 c sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 pkg Red Velvet Oreo®️ cookies. You’ll have some snacking leeway here, but I suggest only doing JUST ONE line!! You need about 24 for the layer and then some for the top crumble.

.5 c mini chocolate chips. This is an optional item but I find something is needed to hold the cookie crumbs on the top so, these help by melting and hardening. In retrospect, I would’ve done a white chocolate drizzle instead. There’s always next time.

What You Do:

Preheat oven to 350.

Grease a 9×13 cake pan. I always use glass for delicate recipes like this.

Mix all cake mix ingredients and spread in bottom of pan. It will be thick so you can glove up and spread it by hand.

Press Oreo®️ cookies into batter but only a little bit. You’ll use 20 – 24 depending on your pan.

Mix cream cheese filling ingredients until fluffy and easily spreadable.

Spread the cream cheese filling over cookie layer.

Crumble remaining cookies in food processor or in a zip bag using the rolling pin. That’s my preferred method.

Spread cookie crumbs over top and press slightly down into cheesecake.

Bake this 30 minutes.

Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips on top.

Return to oven for 10 minutes.

Turn oven off but leave pan for 1 hour.

Remove pan from oven and place in refrigerator when cool enough.

Refrigerate 6-12 hours.

Cut into 15 or 18 squares. These are very rich so small squares are very satisfying.

Just look at that yumminess!!

I hope you enjoy the recipe, and I thank you for reading this blog!! If you find value in the content, please feel free to share!!


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