Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Keto Meatloaf

Keto is a bit of a bitch!! I mean nothing worth a damn is easy. We all know this. I’m here to say that breaking the carb addiction is as tough as anything else I’ve overcome, and I’m not sure I’ve beat this beast yet. Since I’m getting off the sugar, there’s no need for sugar coating, right? That’s not my thing anyway. You already know.

This transition from glucose burner to fat burner is a MF!! Keto food is hard to figure out. Ketosis is even harder to figure out. Macros?? Are you fucking kidding me?? What do I eat?? How long before I’m in ketosis?? Is this Keto friendly?? Am I in ketosis yet?? Can I eat dairy?? There’s purple on the stick. I’m in ketosis, right??

I. Don’t. Know. About you. I don’t have a clue. So please do stop asking. I’ll drop some recipes on the blog here, but I ain’t no damn health coach!! Tried that, remember?? Tried this Keto thing once before too, but not quite like this. Not FR FR!!

I’m doing Keto sans the supplements and the stress hanging over my head. Let me say this first off, if you’re going to attempt TRUE KETO, you better have your life right and your ducks in a row for a few weeks and be able to really commit to learning, tracking, prepping, researching your ass off, and yes, spending a little money to “overhaul” your kitchen cupboards. Make time for exercise, being alone, and do not go into high stress situations. And that, my darlings is all I am going to share in this post here!!

I’ll write the recipes for this meal but, not all as one. This is about the meatloaf. I was not about to “test” too many pounds of meat trying to get this right so, I did some reading and got the ingredients I thought would work best for binding. It’s my traditional meatloaf recipe but I omitted the crackers, the yummy topping, and the onion soup mix. I’m just not sure about that. The point of sharing this recipe is how it held together. I thought it would crumble or be dry. It was actually juicy and flavorful and probably better than most meatloaf recipes to be honest. Ready?? Sweet!!

What You Need:

3 lbs ground round 90/10 or 85/15 (Keto=LC/HF)

1 lb pork sausage (I like the sage kind)

3 eggs

.75 c golden flax meal

.5 c onion minced fine

2 Tbsp minced garlic

.5 c grated parmesan cheese

Salt and pepper

You can add seasonings like onion or garlic powder. Whatever you like. I’m avoiding these, for now. Plus, I really wanted a “base” recipe. I’ll do variations later.

What You Do:

Seriously?? You know WTF to do with that ingredients list, don’t ya?? If you guys need instructions on how to make a meatloaf, you don’t need me. You need home economics or your mom. I didn’t have either of those and I figured out meatloaf at like 10 or 11.

Alright.

Line a baking pan or loaf pan with foil. I have never made a meatloaf in a loaf pan, for the record. By all means, do as you will. I like to put mine in a 9×13 and make it wider and thinner than it would be in a loaf pan.

Put on some kitchen gloves. I use and love the blue nitrile ones. You know. In case you cut a piece off or something, you can see it. Industry folks will feel me on this.

Put all that mess of ingredients in a huge bowl.

Put your hands down in it and squish it around and “knead” it until it’s sticky. Test it by pressing balls of it together and see if it holds form.

Dump it in your pan and pat and press into desired shape and thickness.

Bake at 350 for at least 60 minutes, probably 90. All ovens and pans are different. You want the juices running clear. I got this one to 185 and was happy. It was still juicy.

Allow it to sit 10 minutes covered in foil before you cut it.

I used this sugar-free ketchup for mine and will make a glaze of this and some sort of brown sugar substitute next time.

I made some cauliflower mash and roasted Parmesan Brussels Sprouts to go with this for a cozy weeknight dinner.

I’ll be making several versions of this and shaking up some sides through the winter, so stay on the lookout.

Serves: 8

Prep: 15 min

Cook: 90 min

Calories: 405

Fat: 33g

Protein: 45g

Carbs: 2

Net Carbs: 2

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