Hi, Dolls. I know it’s a late post, and it will also be incredibly short.
The tea tags are trending toward love, joy, kindness and compassion. I get it. In fact, the more I get it, the less I desire to be here.
It’s not that I dislike the blog or have become bored with it. It’s just that there’s so much more personal work to do before I start to offer myself up to others. I feel that my best action right now is no action.
I want to trade my Sunday commitment to the recipes toward my relationship.
I want to turn in the tea tags for more time in the books gaining knowledge. Books like these…
I can’t decide if the desire is to run and hide, or if I’m just being called inward to get down to the nitty gritty. And, fuck it’s been gritty lately.
Yoga class is working the chakras all year long. Mine are opening and activating.
The books are teaching me that I don’t know shit yet, but to push forward because I’m on the right path.
My emotions are all whacked out and I’m not suppressing them, although I’m sure my mate wishes I would. I’ve been super impatient and SUPER bitchy. I keep telling myself it’s part of the process and to, “lean into it.” Even when it feels that if I lean any further I’ll end up flat on my face.
The trouble is that I feel like I’m late to life, so I’m always in a rush to “catch up.” I wasted so much time that I can’t get back, but I need to grasp the idea that it’s not too late in life. And I’m not getting the time back. It don’t work that way. I have to let that shit go and do what I can with the days I have.
My act of self-compassion for now will be to continue on this healing path. Whatever that feels like on any given day. Right now I envision myself being more quiet. I see a lot more bonding with him. Total focus on the home, body, brain and heart. I envision more books, more yoga, more running, less stress.
The A.A. people once told me that I couldn’t keep my healing unless I give it away, or something like that. But, the fact is, I don’t even have it yet. I’m not a sage or even a sherpa. I’m still the struggle my damn self.
I don’t have a message for anyone today except to remember what the tea tag says.
Be kind compassionate toward yourself, and happiness will not elude you for long. Even in my monthly moods and with all this emotional chakra work in play, I’m still pretty damn joyous and grateful.
Thanks for spinning the wheels with me today.
Much love and compassion, Chelle.
©️2020 cHELLe ON WHEELS