Good morning, Cookers!! Am I ever ready to sip this and spill that tea!! So far I am over the moon for these profani-teas. Today I will be enjoying some “Fierce Bitch,” because we are what we eat (and drink).

I am renewed AF, on my fit game, foodie game, family game, financial game; and I am fully focused on this life game. Nothing else.

Privacy has become the thing. Quiet has kind of become the thing. Being present and in this moment has definitely become THE thing.

I’m probably going to mention Speaker Slam a few more times until the whole deal is over, and I will not apologize for it. This was an unexpected and much needed push into the world of sharing a story for the sole purpose of offering hope to others. Not for attention and not to compete with the other 91 speakers who submitted talks. This entire month’s theme for me is to not compete. Only crush my own personal bests in life.

Fierce bitches really don’t compete with others.

Now, have I looked at the other submissions?? Yes.

To compare them to mine?? No.

I looked at the other submissions because I am honored to join this group of talented individuals, and also because I know I can learn from them. See, I’m the newbie in the organization. This was my first run at doing something like this and the situation was compromised by being short on time, having to set my own stage, record and edit video (not my forte). I was not feeling confident because not only am I amateur, I also had no professionals for my hair and makeup, sound, etc, etc, blasé splee. I did it through the adversity, and I am super proud of this breakthrough in bravery.

Fierce bitches don’t cower in the face of fear.

Today though, when I discuss the talk, it is not in relation to the actual competition.

Some heavy but petty shit happened last week while prepping for the event, that challenged me to really dig deep, get super brave and make some much needed changes in my attitude, because before the ink even dried on the cue cards for my speech on kindness, I was telling some chick to go fuck herself on social. I know.

Contradictory?? Yes.

Necessary?? Also, yes.

I always say that, “sometimes the grandest act of kindness toward our own soul is telling someone to go fuck themselves.” I said what I said.

Fierce bitches don’t hang with stupid bitches.

As I sit here sipping on this cup, I keep going over the entire past 2 weeks in my head, and with a silly grin on my lips. I’m pondering many things this morning, as you’ll soon read.

The thrill of being asked to do the “slam” out of the blue. The excitement and dread of speaking on “kindness.” The hurried and half-assed preparation and recording. The moon and my monthly getting the old emotions on high. The salty woman that basically called me an attention whore on the FB Page for this blog, leading me to the decision to delete every person on my friends list besides my daughter and fiancé. Yeah. I did. You see, I don’t give a shit about “likes” and FB “friends.” That is not reality!! In reality I am happy, loved, fulfilled and I am free.

I’m going to declare it for the final time, my friends: Facebook is evil, and it is destroying the social structure of humanity. Several mornings I have even heard my fave DJ say that FB holds a negative and weird energy. So I am not alone in this opinion. I could go on and on with facts and even more opinions, but I’m going to give just a few examples of why I struggle with all this. And then, I am going to be done with the struggle for good.

My man and I have each been stalked by exes and flings. Jealous people have attempted to interfere in our love life. One fuck face even stole John’s pic and used it to make a fake profile that could have caused a lot of problems. The fuck face got access to us through that friends of friends BS. Because some or most people don’t even question who TF they let into their lives in cyber space. As long as it generates more likes to feed that sad little ego.

Living for likes. Desperately seeking some attention via social media. Studying other’s lives. Posting 100 times a day. Constant selfies. Fishing for sympathy and hanging on to the past to get it. I’m guilty of all of the above. 4 years ago to be exact, I was ridiculous!!

Today I have to own a bit of self adoration and say this: I am way too busy with my own shit to be looking at anyone else. I don’t have time for any of that. Not anymore.

I will no longer subject our life to being studied and scrutinized, compared and competed with, stalked and gawked by silly bitches or their weird friends. I don’t want our private life invaded by any human who has an evil eye for either of us. And I have to keep it real; I don’t want anyone looking at my life who is associated with any of the above. Not sorry. My life. My rules. I am going to protect my peace above all else. It is by far the most valuable thing I have.

All access to me by unsavory people has been removed, and some people will never get next to this chick again. Humbly speaking, I need peace more than people, and part of that peace is writing this entry for closure, I suppose.

I recall writing a letter to my dopes of choice many years ago to break up, and also one to Jameson whiskey. I think I still have that one. Let me look.

Good Goddess, I do!!

I cannot believe that thing is still in my files. 2 facts about Chelle; I don’t fuck with Mr. Jameson and I’m more organized than one might think.

So, it is my guess that these feelings and this obsession over FB I have may be coming to a head. Finally. Something just clicked in me last week. Like any long and brutal on again, off again relationship; at some point we have to say the final goodbye. The thrill is gone. My skin crawls when I look at it. I leave feeling worse than before I log in. It is time to collect my records and walk away from that relationship. I’ll find a new platform, I’m sure. Something more suitable for my new vibration. But I am going to give myself some time between social media relationships.

How does this relate to competing??

I just feel like FB is the land of compete and compare, and because fierce bitches don’t compete or compare, I don’t fit into that world anymore. This month I am passing through the fierce bitch threshold and I am not looking back again.

I have recovered from a $300.00 a day drug habit, dammit I can recover from this, too.

How can I compare the 2?? Well, contrary to what some of you wish to tell yourselves, those likes and comments release dopamine to the brain just like my old drugs of choice did. And also, the lack of them can be just like the come down off our drugs. So, when you don’t get enough likes to get high, you post again. Hoping. It becomes a vicious cycle of chasing, and soon it’s a habit like any other. Ask me how I know.

Some will relate to this post, some will not. My good friend, Dawn, can use social media strictly for entertainment. I love her for never taking it seriously. I know she loves me whether I am on her FB or not, because she understands it disrupts my life. I don’t compare my situation to hers or anyone else. Fierce bitches don’t compare the life they live to any other.

It felt really good to put that into words!!

In closing there are just a few more points I’d like to make, and I’ll start by touching on this exchange…

For the record, “it seem like you need” a spelling and grammar lesson, Kara.

Contrary to what this poor woman thinks, I am not out there seeking attention. I’ve never had a problem getting attention. I am tall and loud with piercing blue eyes and a huge smile. I am wild, witty and my laugh rings through a room. I get attention by opening a door. Period. Always have. Always will; be it nasty or not. I know how to hydrate myself, so I am never thirsty these days.

I am marrying a man who adores me, we have two border collie dogs, three grandchildren who often tell me I am the “best grandma EVER.” I have a handful of awesome friends and a plethora of hobbies and interests. My emotional and attention needs are met.

Ego is becoming a thing of the past. Emotion is acknowledged and respected, but not acted upon. Intellect is taking over. Love is taking over. Peace is taking over. Can you see it??

More often than not, what I seek is solitude. I want to be left the fuck alone to build on all these dreams, bond with my family and enjoy this newfound way of living.

I have to remember to trust intuition and gut feels. They tell me when someone is a leech, a drain or going to be a pain. They also tell me when folks want to enjoy the fruits of our labors, but they don’t want to help tend the soil. You know. Reap the rewards of the outcome but not be grinding with you during the process. The process lets you know who you should allow to be around for the outcome.

My tea time is done for today.

I am off to steal my granddaughters for a night or 2, and give my baby girl a little break from the stresses of mommyhood. Gotta get them littles on to the compound and off the devices, too. I don’t want them to become desperate little attention seekers either. I’m going to be sure they know how to plant their own seeds of love and respect so they never feel lack in their lives.

See you next week for another Tuesday Tea Talk. Thank you for giving me a place to share without inhibition. I love all you Cookers to bits!!

Stay Fierce, Bitches.

Chelle.

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