As you all know, I’ve been on a serious soul search the past, I don’t know… eight to ten years. I actually think the search has been going on much longer. A couple of decades at least. It just got serious the last 8 years.
It all started with the discovery of law of attraction in 2013, and seeing that magic happen shifted my entire world. I quickly became a believer and I put that tool in my belt to start constructing a dream life. I literally began with nothing. Just a lot of debt and a pile of baggage from a life I no longer recognize.
The connection between manifesting and all the magical things I’ve loved since I was a young woman has now become clear and led me to a really cool place and position in life. I’ve come back to my true nature and my divine purpose through the art of yoga.
Yoga has been in my life since the late eighties when I went to the county juvenile “retreat” center. (I got jokes, y’all.) Then I saw a movie about Tina Turner in the 90’s and became fascinated again by the re-enactment of her chanting practice.
“Nam myōhō Renge Kyö.”
What does it mean??
I devote myself to the lotus sutra.
I can say that with the exception of a bump in the road here and there, I am currently and most definitely living as the highest possible manifestation of me. In this moment. But I’m still a bit behind schedule. I allow distractions to slow me down. I get overwhelmed with responsibilities that aren’t even my responsibilities. Well, I did.
I’ve dabbled on the mat pretty heavily since 2004 but it totally took over my world a few years ago and did exactly what it is notorious for doing with a dedicated practitioner. Yoga is stripping away the layers of trauma and bullshit. It is revealing who I was supposed to be before the abuse and neglect. It’s putting the victim to ready and allowing the warrior to emerge. The “radiant warrior” to be clear.
When I sat down to write this post I entered it with the idea that I had to. That I needed to at least write a post once a month.
No the hell I don’t. I don’t need to be seen at all. Ever.
The previous sentence is a personal service announcement to myself, not meant for you. It’s deeper than I want to go into right now, but believe me when I say there is huge healing in that sentence. Huge.
I started this post Tuesday March 16. What was written was garbage. It was a ridiculous mess of avoidance, emotional bypassing and faux forgiveness. It got set aside with some other priorities that week while I did everything I could to ignore the very predictable and apparently inevitable onset of depression that often occurs the week of my parents birthdays. I’m glad I didn’t publish it. It was total bullshit. Their memories deserve to be honored privately and appropriately. I’m not yet sure how I’ll do it from this point forward, but it won’t be by remembering the worst parts of them or by glorifying them on social media for attention and or sympathy.
It also won’t be honored by enjoying a jukebox and too many shots with bikers in a dive bar on my mom’s birthday.
Insert cough, throat clear and eye roll.
That’s all I’ll say on the subject. I’m no longer attached to the past and I mean that in the most respectful of ways. I’ll let you know next year what I learn about dealing with grief, but once I revisit my dark past again over the next few months and deal with it in some regression sessions with a pro; I am done. D-O-N-E.
There are many years ahead of me and to be clear; I have a full as fuck life right now. I no longer have a microsecond to waste dwelling on the old days or the old ways.
All that being said, friends; tomorrow is a new moon and a new Sadhana practice. I’m going for a long run from April 12 to July 12. 90 days of rising before the sun to purify and pray. No social media at all. Healthy food. Long doggie walks. Tons of studying everything from Light on Yoga to Essential Reiki.
A year ago when I committed to yoga teacher training I knew I wasn’t going to open a studio or even start a private practice for a few years. I had and still have so much personal work to do that I couldn’t fathom attempting to teach anyone else. I’m super picky about who teaches me, so I want to keep my standards that high for students who choose me to lead them.
As I currently wrap up my advanced certification I am comfortable saying that there is still no hurry to teach a high volume of clients. I want to be the best teacher I can be when I guide others, but more so when teaching in exchange for payment. They deserve that when trusting someone to essentially transform their lives, right?? Plus, while I am registered and certified to teach vinyasa and hatha, I am driven toward advanced practices and I’m not yet certified to teach them, so I’ll focus instead on the “seva” or service side required for training and continue to learn all I can so that I’m accurate and authentic in what I offer.
Bottom line, guys; it’s all good in the wood hood.
I don’t have a food recipe for you this time. Eat a peanut butter cup or a fruit smoothie and get over the obsession with my food fixation. I got rid of that in the last Sadhana round. Along with politics.
I have to say it felt awesome to just come here and drop a line for no reason at all. I mean there was absolutely no point. No pressure. I was just cleaning up my files, came across the blog site and decided to write an update. Just because. Is this where I have to plant a Spring selfie? Yeah? I think so, too. I feel pretty today and I know someone out there misses this mug.
Over the few next months I’ll be taking the YTT 300 final exam along with planning and producing a total of 20 hours of yoga classes for the practicum to graduate. One of my teachers made a comment that we are not training to be Buddhist monks, so we don’t get to retreat for 20 hours a day. Well, I’m working hard at defying that notion. I hardly ever leave the property except to shop, and as a bar boss/mixologist I mostly receive payment for social interactions. I’d say I’m living my best life. I don’t fear being seen. I’m not isolating. I spend quality time with quality people, so I’m good with a couple brunches or dinners a month with our best friends. We’re building and preparing for our golden years and we aren’t taking it lightly.
While retreating to transmute into a woodsy woman monk, I’ll also be working out some new cocktail developments while the restaurant is under construction. The owner gave me artistic freedom so I’m diving head first into some unconventional tiki cocktails to level up the mixology portfolio.
So, that’s what’s going on, guys. Along with my personal goals getting met, the man and I have been making strides on our home and on our relationship. I am often overwhelmed with all the eggs in my basket, so I have to just go within and work it out with no outside influences. That is how I operate and it works for me.
In closing I just want to send love out to all you Cookers.
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be healthy.
May you be free.
Yes. Even the assholes. I got love for you, too. Straighten out and get on board though. We’re in the Age of Aquarius. This is the most beautiful time in the history of the world to be alive and if you have any idea about these types of things or knowledge in the areas of astrology and energy, you know this.
I’ll keep you posted on my personal journey if I find things of value along the way to share. The acquisition of peace through privacy seems to be a very real thing. I’ve never been so content in my own company and skin. Is this bliss?? I think it might be the key.
Stay in love, in light and aligned with your purpose, Loves. I’ll see you on the other side of this Sadhana, or maybe before.
Love, love, love, Chelle.
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