Tuesday Tea Talk: Confessions of a Former Bullshitter

I’ve seen these tags before. Both of them. Not recently, and not on the same day. But I’ve seen them both in the past, and I remember them well. The Universe really does give us what we need if we pay closer attention.

These are “slap in the face” tags. The teas that wake you up by way of a lot more than the little bits of caffeine contained within.

I had to get my “Two-fer” tea bags on this morning.

It’s New Years Eve in the best steakhouse this side of the county line. Our home and founding restaurants are on the other side of that line. We will be busy AF.

I’m the expo tonight because I happen to be the newest member of our staff serving team. I’ve been there a year in 10 days or so. The year that flew by in what seems like minutes. We don’t have any turnover for a reason. People don’t leave. Hell, I may be food runner on NYE the next 10 years.

Can I just toss in here that I love my job. I’m sure I’ve said it more than once or twice on this forum, even though I try really hard not to because I don’t want to jinx it. But, people!! I am so grateful to have found a place where I could make money and not have to travel over those county lines I speak of. I had to commute for years to pay my bills and keep up with my drug and shopping habits.

The drug seeking expenditures have long since passed, but I still love a nice handbag and pair of shoes, so I’ll mind my biz, keep a good attitude and stay employed where I’m blessed to make my money. Thankyouverymuch.

Eyes are wide open now. Tag and caffeine are taking effect.

Am I bragging about my job?? Speaking to impress others?? Nope. Never mentioned how much money or in how many hours. I’m just telling the Universe I’m grateful. That’s all. Nothing arrogant about that.

But let’s look at the tags and go back in time a few years, shall we?? When I was maybe a not so humbled version of myself. When maybe I thought I had done everything on my own, and didn’t believe that anything but strong will and hard core action get us to our goals and dreams. Higher power, sure, but I’m doing the real work, right??

Maybe when we live that way, anytime we speak of our accomplishments, we allow our ego to come through rather than our gratitude. When we speak to impress others we are naturally going to give off an impression of arrogance. Because we are being arrogant.

But what does it mean to, “speak to make yourself happy??” Isn’t that arrogant AF?? Hmmmm. Yes and no. If you’re speaking to inflate your sense of self-worth, yes it is. If you’re speaking to free yourself or to exude gratitude, hell no. Or, Chelle no, rather!! I know both. I’m guilty of the former, but I’m currently a practitioner of the latter.

I was a braggy bullshitter for many years. In fact, I spent decades inflating my own sense of self-worth by exaggerating and even flat out lying about lots of things. Drug addicts and children who come from abusive homes do that a lot. Our childish ways want to gain attention we never got from our parents. In our active addiction we are always trying to exaggerate and embellish something to make ourselves look like better people because we know we are being shitty, or else we are lying to cover up some shitty action we pulled, probably to obtain our dope.

In recovery I’ve been pretty open and held myself accountable for the shit I did. I stopped the lying and embellishing, and I started living authentically.

I quit seeking attention and I just do stuff because I want to. I still get attention though. It’s not because I seek it or I am an attention whore. Its because I now exude happiness that is contagious and people are drawn to that.

I now recognize that for a long time I carried an air of arrogance about me for having been able to beat the demons, and I also craved lots of attention. I was a bad ass. I had set the pipe down, pulled the needle out, picked myself up off a bathroom floor and I clawed my way out of the dark. That shit should be recognized, dammit!!

Well, I am a bad ass, and so is anyone out there whose done the same. I fucking commend you if you’re winning against addiction, friends. I really do. But try not to make the same mistake I made.

Don’t assume that because you can do it, anyone should be able to. You’re not giving yourself enough credit in that one regard. You think everyone is as strong as you, or that they should be. They’re not, and it’s never our jobs to point that out. We are warriors of a different breed. We are unique and we are here for a reason. To give hope. Please try to remember that. But also this…

I literally spilled the tea on this tag, and I’ll do it again metaphorically now.

The statistics speak for us who have recovered from any addiction; be it food, sex, drugs, alcohol, the internet, porn, gambling, etc.

The fatalities and incarceration of our friends and family members speak for us as well. We are victors, bad asses. We don’t get to brag about it though. Enough people will tell you that you’re a miracle and you’ll eventually be convinced enough to stop feeling compelled to spread that message, too. It takes self awareness, strength and some serious time away from your vice, but stay steady and stay grateful. Stay offering hope without saying, “If I did it, you can do it.” And please, for the sake of everything strong and sacred, don’t judge those who have yet to find their strength. It comes to different people at different points in life, and sometimes it eludes them completely.

I’m not excellent at this yet. Sometimes my own life amazes me to the point of elation, and I like to share all my good news, and even some methods for success, but I have learned who to share and who not to share with. Some people are going to be happy for you, and some are never going to share your joys.

When you check yourself and find that you have put in the work to not be arrogant and you’re only expressing gratitude for all of life’s gifts, you’ll find some people are still not going to be into you. They’re just a little envious. You let them go their own way. Keep moving forward and upward. You deserve the life you’ve built and you deserve your props, happiness and to be as grateful as you want to be.

Also, remember that you can’t manifest abundance without a whole lot of gratitude. And speaking of manifesting abundance, unless you are willing to have folks look at you like you have 3 heads, keep that information to yourself. When I learned about law of attraction and turning my thoughts into reality I thought it was a lot of woo woo bullshit.

When I gave it a shot and saw it start to bring the life I wanted to fruition, I wanted to tell everyone who would listen about it. I thought it was my duty to show the people around me a new way of making their dreams come true. I would go bouncing into work with all this positive energy that drives miserable people crazy. I’d declare that I was making two hundred bucks and then I’d show them the money to prove it worked. It was a little tacky in retrospect, and all it did was piss the people off who didn’t do as well.

Look, I get it. I was showing off my skills in manifesting and it was irritating, but even still, I was trying to teach others how to do it more than I was trying to brag. I meant well, but remember this too, jealousy will have people talking shit about those they should be learning from.

I’ve since learned to keep it humble and quiet. I affirm gratitude as I count my cash each night from the job I also manifested. I only tell my partner about my haul and my plans to manifest anything, and I only do that to be sure he and I are in alignment.

Bottom line of this post; stay humble and unique.

I hope the new decade finds every one of you healthy, wealthy and grateful AF.

See ya in 2020, my beautiful and shiny friends.

Chelle.

©️2019 cHELLe ON WHEELS

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission by the owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts or links may be used, provided that full credit is given to M.L. Clement or cHELLe ON WHEELS, LLC. with appropriate and specific direction to original content.

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